In the end, I finally got to stand in the start gate. It was kind of like in my dreams, but still really not.
Bib bib bib…The clock is ticking down and I’m preparing for my showtime… My heart is beating hard inside my chest. My eyes can only see the first gate. My ears are sensitive to catch up the sudden sounds. My feelings are uncontrollable. Joy, expectation, nervousness and a lot of concentration. My focus ability is on top. And I feel so strong. I push out of the gate. My knee feels completely awesome thanks to all the adrenaline. I’m tough and push hard in every turn. I get a bit late, I don’t care. I go faster and faster. Over my limit, and ”Oops”. I almost stand still. Nooo, I scream out loud. That was not in my dreams. But my brain tells me back and faster, faster so that is what I do. When I cross the finish line I see that I was skiing really fast before my mistake, almost the best over all time in the race. In the end I’m still pacing as number 11 and I know I have done a great first run! Second run I ski a bit slower. But the pace is there. Maybe reality isn’t like our dreams and never will be. I wanted to win so bad. But I did my very best from top to bottom and I know inside me that if I don’t give up and keep on fighting I will be alive and feel it all and for sure get closer and love the journey. So I bring the good stuff. The fast turns and keep och building and letting my dream stay alive. Maybe next year…
It was never an easy way back and I would never have done it without the support I had. First of all, I want to thank those who economically made it possible to continue. Without you it would have been very tough and I’m so incredibly grateful! There is one person who has been there every day on the road, my mental coach Carl-Magnus Helin. Without him, I might not have managed to come back. He also deserves my very greatest THANK YOU. The next ones on the lists are the physiotherapists, Vladimir Egorov and Maria Wikér. Vladde has strengthened my physique by helping me with training and he is the closest to a wizard I will ever come to-maybe. Some fan with the magic needles and my knee works without pain. Maria has stood out with me all through the whole injury and she has been wise enough to listen very well. She is a great physiotherapist and very experienced. Mom and dad deserves a special thanks, because I know my mood hasn’t always been on top on the phone, especially when I was studying accounting which I more or less hated from day one… I would probably never had this trip as well without the amazing support I have had, so I thank all of you. I will keep on running… And hopefully I will be where I am in my dreams soon enough!
If you fall behind, run faster. Never give up, never surrender, instead get together with great people and rise up against the odds.